


Mall Pretzels, Bad Fashion, and Other Suggested Brotherly Activities

by homosexual_having_tea



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Family, Family Bonding, Sibling Bonding, outside of canon, some canon stuff is mentioned but like... not set in canon, the boys... roast some random stranger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:34:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27509896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homosexual_having_tea/pseuds/homosexual_having_tea
Summary: Five and Klaus are invited on a shopping trip with their sisters. Klaus learns that living in the Apocalypse gives you a strongly opinionated taste for fashion. Five complains about the amount of carbohydrates in pretzels. Sibling bonding, y'know?
Comments: 5
Kudos: 103





	Mall Pretzels, Bad Fashion, and Other Suggested Brotherly Activities

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all :) this is my first fic posted to anything other than Tumblr and I hope y'all like it! That being said, this isn't very long and I'm not the best writer in the world, but please feel free to leave a comment or kudos if you enjoy it!

Five groaned sliding down in his seat. “Jesus Christ, how long does it usually take Allison and Vanya to go shopping?”

“Well, this is the first shopping trip I’ve been invited on, so I can’t judge. Now, this skirt or that one? They’re both very me, wouldn’t you say?” Klaus asked, holding two glittery skirts up to his waist. “I think the pink one would be very 'look at me, I’m here' but black just goes so much better with-”

“Klaus, I swear to hell, if that sales lady calls me your son one more time, both skirts are going to be red. Can we leave already?”

"Red? Why would they- oh, it’s blood, blood, gotcha,” Klaus placed both skirts back on the rack. “As funny as it that she thinks little old moi-” he paused to wave his hands dramatically at his face- “is responsible enough to raise a child, I suppose murder isn’t ideal. You ever had a cheesy pretzel?”

Five raised an eyebrow in interest, uncrossing his arms slightly. “They don’t have shit like that in the Apocalypse, Klaus.”

Klaus grinned. “Ah, you’re just being snarky ‘cause your blood sugar is low. Come on, kiddo, we can go get lunch.”

“Don’t call me kiddo, asshole.”

\----------------------------------------------------

“Soooo...?”

Five glanced up. “So wha’?” he mumbled around a mouthful of pretzel.

“So, do I get a brownie point for knowing good mall food or what?” Klaus grinned. Five muttered something before swallowing his food with a sip of lemonade. He placed the cup back down on the table, exactly on top the water ring it left.

“The carbohydrate levels in this are probably going to kill me,” he said without much actual anger, taking another bite. "Its no wonder why people have so many heart problems these days."

Klaus cooed, clasping his hands together. “Aw, come on, I know you love it! See, spending time with me isn’t that bad once you get used to it, Fivey!” 

Five rolled his eyes, covering up his smile. “Shut up, Klaus. I’m allowed to complain, I-”

“Lived through the Apocalypse, we all know. Finish your pretzel, old man. I’m willing to bet anything this is better than roaches and moldy Twinkies” Klaus laughed, leaning back in his chair, his arms folded behind his head.

Five chuckled in quiet agreement- the pretzel was actually pretty good, though he wouldn’t tell Klaus that- sipping on his lemonade, before nodding at something behind Klaus. “Is she wearing the same dress as you?”

Klaus gasped in mock outrage, turning around to glance at the blonde woman across the mall who was, indeed, wearing the same star-printed dress as him. “Oh, she does not look as good as I do in this,” Klaus said, dramatically bunching up the fabric in the skirt.

“It makes her look green,” Five added under his breath. Klaus cackled, agreeing as he turned to face his brother. He grinned widely, tilting his head to the side.

“Fashion police much?”

“What? She does. She shouldn’t be wearing that shade of gold. It makes her skin look like broccoli.” 

Klaus laughed again, holding a hand against his face. “My brother is a tiny, murderous Regina George- don’t worry, I’ll explain that joke later. What about her?” he asked, pointing discreetly at a person walking out of a store.

“Not bad, honestly. Just not a good height for her skirt. It makes her look like a stick,” he commented, stone-facedly sipping his lemonade. 

Klaus giggled again popping a cinnamon pretzel bite into his mouth. He pointed out various people around them, laughing at Five’s assessments of their fashion choices. One of them was wearing a pattern Five ranted about for five minutes straight.

“How did you of all people get so invested in fashion?” he asked, still grinning widely. Five shrugged, sliding the empty pretzel bag neatly into a corner of the table.

“Delores and I used to go into old malls to pick out outfits for her, and I started to really enjoy our trips. I guess since I got back, I kept interest in fashion to keep something we’d done together around.” Five said quietly, fiddling with the hem of his bronze cardigan sleeve.

“Firstly, that is literally adorable. Really wish I coulda met Delores. I think we would have gotten along well,” Klaus smiled. “Also, since my lil’ bro is a bitchy fashionista, I think we should go get you some new clothes since we’re here. You’re a growing boy now, and that sweater of yours barely fits anymore.” 

Five sat up a little bit, loosening his crossed arms as he smiled faintly. “That doesn’t sound too bad.”


End file.
